Monthly Archives: April 2016

More tips on stoner etiquette

Here’s some rules, copyright some dude who apparently put this in a Harold and Kumar torrent.


1. The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and get first hit.

I dunno about that. If it’s your weed, I think you should have right of first refusal to smoke.

2. If someone rolls a nice joint, it’s good to give the person a complement on his rolling skills.

Wrong use of complement, but compliments are always welcome.

3. If someone starts bogarting the bowl and starts using the excuse that it’s okay for him to Bogart it since
it’s his weed; this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the weed and how
much he put in. (if it was real crappy and he was real cheap with it, then you bug on the person and rag
on him)


4. If someone is too palsy to light the bowl (due to being too stoned or the person is just a retard) then
they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. This does NOT mean the
person who lights gets free hits… this privilege tends to get abused (“hey lemme light it for you.”)

I guess, I don’t think this has ever come up, except maybe for total noobs. And when I broke an arm, I needed some help at first (I eventually got the hang of smoking one-handed though).

5. If someone is so much of a palsy that they blow INTO the pipe/joint and blow all the shit on the floor,
this person must be ragged on and the person can’t smoke on the next round (unless it was his stuff)

Reasonable. But that person is very often new, I see no reason to bite the newbie by punishing him for a minor mistake.

6. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let him or her eat some munchies you may have
lying around… don’t be cheap with your food, if you have any.

7. If someone who’s smoked asks for a sip of your soda, you must give him some, (cotton mouth is not
8. Converse of #7: if you ask for a sip, don’t take a large gulp.

Not really rules IMHO, but certainly polite.

9. If smoking from a joint, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet. It is
disgusting and it messes up the joint.

Indeed, very much so. Note that there is a racist term for this problem, which you should not use. (okay it’s “nigger-lipping”).

10. If you’re smoking from a bong and there is not enough in the bowl for a whole other hit, you should
save the smoke in the chamber for the next person. (Don’t let go of the rushhold or ‘carb’ and take it all

Doesn’t seem that sensible IMO, emptying the chamber kinda sucks. If that’s all the weed you’ve got, the tiny bit of leftover smoke isn’t going to get you anywhere.

11. Never bogart


12. Never bitch about someone else’s weed being no good. If you don’t like it don’t smoke it!

I get the feeling the person who wrote this is the kinda guy who talks way too much about different kinds of weed. Don’t be that person.

13. If a friend gets you high sometime in the future you need to get that friend high

Bad grammar, but okay.

14. Thou shall not turn down a smoke. Ever!

Not a rule at all, there’s a lot of good reasons to turn down a smoke.

15. Phrased in the form of a narrative: My buddy and I are sitting around smoking the weed that I just
scored. After flaming-up, and taking a few moderate puffs, I pass it on. The sounds that follow can
only be described as vacuum-like. After a couple of huge, lung-busting tokes, the guy passes back the
remnants of something that could have, at some point, been a joint. If it’s not completely “canoed”,
then it’s absolutely soaked. I not so subtly drop that old Cheech & Chong line “Hey man, can I wring it
out for you?” He just looks at me.

Yeah, folks with mega-lungs should be polite.

16. I have noticed the following: After smoking-up, the odd “crass-monkey” some people will actually eat
the stained, disgusting roach. This must be because they want that “extra bit” of oil, resin, or whatever
is left on the paper. This situation can be compared to the patron of a good restaurant picking up his “as good as empty” plate and licking off the remaining morsels of food. Sure he got that little pool of gravy, but was it really worth it?

Is this a rule? Some people like eating it. Get over it.

17. If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a joint, (a small one, if you wish) and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.

This one kinda annoys me. You certainly don’t have to. That’s basically adding a few percent on to the price of the weed (since you have to give some up as soon as you buy it).

18. It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl, without notifying that person of its possible cashed-ness. A proper warning would be ‘Here ya go. I think it might be cashed.


19. The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn’t matter whose weed it is.


20. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high. I know it sounds silly, but I know people who never say thanks and it gets a little annoying.

Sure, that’s certainly polite.

21. The person who brought the bud picks the music.

Sure, good rule.

22. When using a bong, DON’T blow out the ashes, unless that’s what the “homeowner” does.

Indeed, that’s a good idea.

23. NEVER go to someone’s house EXPECTING him or her to catch you a buzz. Of course, there are
exceptions to this rule…


24. If you spill the bong, clean it up! (And don’t forget to put water back in!)

Of course, always clean up after yourself.

25. When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, it is common courtesy here to put the
roach in a bowl and finish it that way. That way the people who don’t mind burning their fingers don’t
get it all.

It’s really better to save your roaches. That tiny bit won’t do anything for you when you’re already stoned. If you wait till you have a bunch of roaches, you can get stoned as fuck off them.

26. Thou shall not roll pinners.

I had to look that up. A “pinner” is just a very small joint. I agree, if you have little weed, you should put it in a dugout, that’s the most efficient way to smoke.

smoking at a party

Here’s another article on stoner etiquette from the California Aggie. It’s got some great tips that I adhere to as well.

6. Don’t expect to be smoked out at a party.

It’s always nice to meet friendly and willing tokers at parties, but beware of strangers preying on your weed like starved piranhas in a lake full of bloody caribous. Similarly, don’t assume any stranger will smoke you out like you deserve it.

This is a great tip that often annoys me when people break it (and it’s a fantastic analogy, ruined by the fact that caribous is not a word and they do not live near piranhas). A lot of times people assume that if two people are smoking at a party, that anyone can join in and smoke too. But “head count” is an issue (i.e. the more people in the smoking circle, the less high everyone will get, even with more weed to compensate) and it’s simply rude to assume you can toke off someone else’s weed.